April Fool's Day responses Mikey's Funnies is a clean humor email list - one Funny sent every weekday. Subscribe Free!

Email #1; 12:30 am PT

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I just read this news article this morning and was so outraged, I had to take a break from the usual daily dose of humor. I hope you share my outrage...

Mikey

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SKYBOXES, CLUB CARDS WOO 'CHURCH CUSTOMERS'

FRESNO, CA, April 1 — On Sunday morning at the 18,000-member Calvary Church, tithers flash green Costco-like cards at greeters, who let them in early and usher them to special seating areas.

"The seats have more padding, and they recline," says tither Dan Phelps, kicking back before the sermon. "I feel a little guilty, but you can't knock the comfort."

Calvary is believed to be the first church in America to use membership cards to dole out privileges to certain members. First-time visitors are offered the best seats — plush recliners in the orchestra section — while non-tithing attendees carry orange membership cards and are forced to sit in hard, stadium-style seats on the mezzanine.

"We give honor to whom honor is due," says pastor Jerald Dennis. "If you tithe or volunteer in some way, you deserve a special thank you."

Churches like his are drawing wealthier "church consumers" by promoting luxury and social stratification inside the sanctuary. As rich people attend, the theory goes, tithe revenues increase and the church better promotes the gospel.

At Life Family Center in Abilene, Texas, members at all levels earn "reward points" similar to frequent flyer miles for tithing and attending. The points add up to free hotel stays, vacation packages and tickets to NASCAR events.

Ringing the church's cavernous sanctuary are private skyboxes where groups watch the service while enjoying hors d'oeuvres and deep leather chairs. Some pay only occasional attention to what takes place on the platform.

"We compete with professional sporting events, not other churches," says pastor Lovey Pederson. "I would rather people come here than a football stadium, so I offer bigger perks."

This year, at least a dozen more mega-churches will introduce some form of "club card."

"The credit card commercial said it best: 'Membership has its privileges,'" says Pederson.

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Mikey's Thot for the Day:
After that, I have no Thots today...

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04.01 #2: Oh yeah...

Email #2; 6:18 am PT AND again at 9:00 am PT (just to be sure)

...Happy April Fool's Day!

Mikey

P.S. Yes, this morning's Not So Funny was a joke, courtesy of the Christian spoof news site Lark News...
http://larknews.com/february_2005/secondary.php?page=4

Have a great weekend!