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mikey's funnies Kid Funnies (various dates)
Kids do say the funniest things! This is a collection of original submissions sent to Mikey's Funnies: • From DeeDee Simpson: My 4-year-old niece Brittany is an absolute joy, and sometimes a trial. The hardest thing to do is get her to say Thank You, I'm Sorry, or Please. One day I asked her why she wouldn't say thank you. She thought about it for a minute and then looked at me with a serious little face and said: "I don't got no manners in my mouth." Now every time she says thank you or please, she'll look at me and grin, then say: "Look! I have manners in my mouth!" • From Jen Schwint: My three-year-old daughter exclaimed very loudly at a funeral, during the moment of silence, "WHAT's IN THE BOX?" Gotta love them! •
From Mark Martin: Our Children's minister was doing the children's
sermon using the text from Matthew on the Parable of the Sower and
the Seed. He asked, "What does a farmer do?" His granddaughter
replied "E-I-E-O." AND... My daughter, Sarah, and I were discussing heritage. When she didn't quite grasp the concept, I proceeded to explain that daddy's family was English, French and Cherokee and my family was English and German to which she replied, "Shepherd?" • From Steve Sanderson: Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!" AND... At a wedding I recently attended, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead...As the church grew quiet, a little boy sitting in front of me turned to his father and said excitedly, "Dad, you have some of their albums!" AND... A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. "Yes sir," the boy replied. "And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked. "No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime." • From Beasley: When my son Henry was 6 he was helping me squeeze apples for cider. It was close to dusk and his hands were obviously cold. He whimpered and complained but we were close to done and I was trying hard to get finished. He looked at me and said, "Dad, I shouldn't whine should I?" When I agreed he quite seriously responded, "Dad, I'm sorry I wound." • From mash: We were at my husband's grandmother's funeral with our four year old son. We were at the graveside and the casket was about to be lowered. Our son, being a keen Sunday School student, knew that when Jesus died, he rose again. When the casket began to be lowered, and many of our family were crying, our son said in his loudest voice "When is Great Nan going to rise again"! It certainly relieved the tension of the moment. • From Jennifer Raehl: My then two year old was trying very hard to remember her Bible memory verse the day of her sister's birthday party. After being prompted several times with "For God so loved...", she finally said, "For God so loved the world that He gave us cake." • From Eric Pearson: When our son was 4, we lived in the country and near a hog lot. One hot afternoon we were driving into town and on that day the hog lot smell was at one of its worst! (Brings tears to your eyes and can nearly strip paint!) Our son cries out from the back seat "Ewww, I have pigs in my nose!" •
From Mark Jenkins: As you know, children sometimes have to
repeat their issues before we adults can properly understand them.
Cassidy is 3 years old ... this conversation took place last week: • From Randy Karlberg: My wife told our son "Tobin, don't walk around the house naked!" Tobin replied, "Mom, I'm not naked! I have my socks on!" •
From Sammi Justice: Recently my 5 year old boy and 2 year old
girl were outside playing. Suddenly I heard blood-curdling screaming...the
kind that makes mothers go running - but I could also tell that they
were playing. I asked my son what on earth was going on that they
thought they needed to scream that loudly? He said "Oh, we're
just playing! See!" And proceeded to let another scream fly.
I told him that the only reason to scream like that was if his head
were to be cut off (I know, I know, not the smartest thing I've ever
said to my kids, ok?!). He looks at me with the straightest face you've
ever seen and asked: "Then how loud can I scream if my head is
NOT cut off?" • From Doug Watson: We had recently moved on to a new church field, and had several offers from families to babysit our two young children, ages three and six. A sweet blended family in the congregation and their teenagers took a special liking to our kids, so they offered to keep them for us. They were still laughing when we stopped in to pick up our kids later that night, and shared that they had been introducing the family to our two: “This is Judy, our step mom, and Billy, my step brother, and Susie my step sister…” My oldest, seeing the family dog standing next to them asked, “So is this your step dog?” • From Ann Bower: While teaching second grade Sunday School one of the scripture memory verses was Psalm 119:11. The next Sunday I asked the children, "Why do we have memory verses?" The answer of course was Psalm 119:11, but no one came up with it. One little girl's answer was: "So when we are 35 or so, we won't have to look them up." •
From Gwen Hurst-Anderson: I
was teaching 1st & 2nd grade Sunday schoolers to pray the Lord's
prayer. I encouraged the children to ask questions. As we were learning
the first phrase of the prayer, "Our Father, who art in Heaven
. . . " one of the children raised his hand. "Hey, who's
Art?" he asked. A group
of 3rd & 4th graders was learning about Noah and the ark. We talked
about the ark, the animals, the 40 days of rain, and about Noah. "At
first Noah really didn't want to do what God asked," I said.
"Can anyone tell me why?" One of the children blurted out,
"Well, I wouldn't either if I knew I had to scoop all that poop!" • From HNNHPRD: On the more serious side, I used to teach 4th & 5th graders. One day, the offering basket was being passed. As it came across one boy, he asked "Do we have a bigger basket?" When I asked what for, he exclaimed, "Because I don't fit in that one and I want to give Him myself." • From Liisa Glandorf: When my son was 3 or 4, we passed the lot where the groundbreaking was to happen the following weekend for our new church building. I explained that all the church members were asked to bring their shovels so we'd better not forget ours. My son asked, "How long will it take to dig out the church?" • From Craig Bottomley (Australia): Many years ago when my brother was only 3 or 4 years old, our family would have a devotional time after dinner. my brother often asked if he could do the Bible reading, but being so young was told repeatedly that he couldn't because he wasn't able to read. One evening after being particularly persistent, our father suggested that he would whisper the reading to my brother and then he could repeat out loud for everyone else to hear. All went well until Dad got to the bit about "and Jesus went to Caeserea-Phillipi" (Mark 8:27), which my brother repeated as "and Jesus went to see her ear full of pie." • From Lydia Brown: I work at a Nazarene day care; I teach the K-4 class and enjoy it immensely! The past couple of weeks I've been allowing the children to say their own prayers aloud to God and here are a couple that were extra special. Both are from a 5-year-old girl: The first prayer happened the day she got in trouble. Solemnly she bowed her head and said "Dear God, thank you for Jesus. Thank you for always being good. Thank you for never being bad 'cause if you was you'd get your name on the board and have to stand in Time Out at recess for 10 minutes. Amen." This week I can only imagine what happened to make her pray this blessing: "Dear God. Thank you for our clothes. You have to wear clothes inside, too, cause if you stand by the screen door that faces the barn and you ain't got clothes on and somebody walks by, they'll see you and laugh at you and you'll get embarrassed. Amen." •
From Marko: I was just playing Xbox with my kids, and Max (7)
was being a bit annoying in a repetitive 7-year-old way. Liesl (11)
said to him, in a very demeaning and "I've got it all figured
out" voice: "Max, you are so annoying" (and "annoying"
was almost three separate valley-girl words — a-noy-ing). I said:
"Liesl, give him a break; he's just acting like a 7-year-old."
She responded: "Give ME a break, Dad; I'm just acting like an
11-year-old." • From L Helderman: Our four-year-old son asked us how old God is. I attempted to explain that God has always lived and will always live, forever and ever. He thought for a second and replied with "Oh, so He's about 30?" • From Bill Henderson: It was the early 80's when the space shuttle was being sent up. My son's elementary school class went outside to watch the lift off. This was in West Palm Beach, Florida so it was very easy to see and quite a spectacle for us adults much less elementary children. When I returned home from work, my son was waiting for me. He told me that he and his classmates went outside and saw the space "shovel" that morning. My wife and I tactfully corrected him but it never took until several years later. He would probably disown me now if he knew I was telling this story. • From Mike Enright (New Zealand): One day several years ago, Kelly, 3 years old at the time, was enthusiastically singing the "Teddy Bears' Picnic" song. She got to the line which says "If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise ..." Thinking that here was a good vocabulary-building opportunity, I asked her, "Kelly, do you know what 'disguise' is?" She immediately responded, with a hint of that "what a dumb question" tone in her voice: "Yeah, it's where de planes fly." • From Matt Terui: One night around the dinner table, my family was discussing a wedding. My little brother suddenly spoke up and asked something about a "bathtub marriage." We all looked at each other a little puzzled. A "bathtub marriage"? Then my translation skills kicked in. "Do you mean a 'wedding shower'?" • From Michelle: When my brother was about 4 or 5 the family was watching the big football game on TV. My brother sat and listened to us encouraging our favourite team, Miami. All of a sudden my brother stood up, walked in front of the TV set, cried out with tears in his eyes, "It's not your ami, it's my ami, too!" Then he stomped out of the room. •
From Jason Tate: My son, who just turned 4, was very proud
of himself for learning a Bible verse in his class at our church's
recent VBS. One afternoon, our conversation went as follows: •
From Linda Eberly: I had recently attended a workshop on incorporating
prayer into family life. It was suggested that when we need to discipline
our children, we ask them, "What did I tell you to do?"
and "Did you do it?" This teaches them confession. Then
we were to impose whatever the discipline and then pray with the child
to teach them to confess to God and ask for strength to do the right
thing. I had sent Steve (about 3-yrs-old) to clean his room (put all
the toys away that were spread over the entire floor.) He would go
in and then get distracted and start playing. After reminding him
repeatedly I finally went in and thought I would try this new approach
to discipline. We sat on his bed together and I asked, "What
did Mommy tell you to do, Steve?" • From Lindy Revell: My daughter took my 4-year-old granddaughter to visit her mother-in-law whose mother had died. On the way she was telling my granddaughter how bad it made the lady feel and was coaxing her in things she could say to this lady. She said, "You can tell her you are sorry about her mother. Can you say that?" And my granddaughter replied, "Why? I didn't kill her!" •
From Colin Gillam (Australia): Took my 4-year-old son shopping
at the supermarket. Walking past the deli, he started asking about
all the various meats on display. •
From Rob Watson (UK): My son Jotham when he was 3-years-old
was playing out in the yard. When suddenly he came running into the
house clutching a lifeless bug in his hands. He held it up to my wife
and exclaimed, "Quick, Mummy, its batteries have run out!" home | about us | donate | subscription center | advertise | contact
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